The Boy Next Door is a movie that has gone out of fashion. There used to be many movies of its ilk, documenting the collapse of an American nuclear family due to the trust given to a helpful but ultimately psychotic stranger. The reason this genre went the way of the dinosaur is that the movies were rarely good, even if they were enjoyable in a guilty pleasure kind of way. The Boy Next Door fits neatly into that category of movie. It is profoundly stupid and schlocky, but that awfulness also makes it kind of fascinating.
The movie opens on school teacher Claire (Jennifer Lopez) jogging while being struck with memories of her cheating husband (John Corbett), who she is trying to divorce. Soon, she meets the titular boy next door, nineteen-year-old Noah (Ryan Guzman), who has just moved in to help take care of his sick uncle. Claire has a one night stand with Noah and immediately regrets it. She tells him in no uncertain terms that what they did was a mistake, and they should just forget about it. But Noah, as it turns out, isn't as nice or as helpful as he appears. He reveals a more devious, more dangerous side as he continues to try and win the affections of Claire.
The movie is hilarious, though it clearly isn't meant to be. It tries very hard to sell the audience on the danger that Noah represents, but it's just difficult to take any of it seriously when the components of the plot are so far removed from reality. It all gets absurd really quickly, the entire narrative falling apart as the movie loses grip on basic details that would help connect the story to any semblance of verisimilitude. Even the most basic lines of dialogue seem completely detached from our physical realm.
An early scene, for example, has Claire's husband, who is apparently a computer programmer, exclaiming that a computer he built has a "triple processor." This is profound nonsense. Later on, Noah's uncle has to be corrected for saying "bone marrow transport," because apparently this old man is so far gone that he doesn't know the word "transplant." And then the story gets really dumb, as characters reveal themselves to be incapable of calling the police even when Noah takes part in flagrantly illegal behavior, like fracturing the skull of a minor in front of dozens of witnesses.
This could almost be interpreted as parody, except the movie doesn't seem to have an ironic bone in its body. It seriously plays up thriller tropes, even when what's actually happening on screen in neither threatening nor exciting. Ryan Guzman certainly seems to think that he’s capable of providing menace, but the film doesn’t really give him much of a chance. He’s saddled with lame double entendre as his primary weapon for getting his threat across. And Jennifer Lopez never matches his energy, the actress making her co-star look pretty silly in comparison.
The Boy Next Door ends up being kind of fun, but certainly not for the reasons that the filmmakers intended. It is hard schlock that never stops being clunky, every new revelation exposing just how stupid all these characters are. It is a film with a villain that keeps diagrams of the brake lines he intends to cut on the desktop of his computer; a film where one might procure a first edition of The Iliad. It is the kind of film that will likely gain a second life through ironic movie watching. There’s no reason to see it now. Wait for the funny people to get to it.
My Rating:
